Ichthyophobia--Fear of Fish

Yes, you read that right. I am afraid of fish. They are slimy, scaly, and squirm-inducing. I suppose this may be an irrational fear, as so many fears such as these are. But I fear them nonetheless, and I am afraid it may be more rational than it seems.

When I was little, I always had a goldfish. They'd die and I'd get a new one, no problem. It wasn't until my last fish died that my fear of fish surfaced. My fish was five years old, about the max lifespan of a goldfish, and he was losing color, losing scales, and just looking ancient. One day, I came home and he was floating at the top of the bowl on his side. Now, this wasn't that traumatic for me, I'd seen dead fish before. However, when my mom took him out of the tank, he started flapping around. He had only fainted. This went on for the next few weeks. He'd faint, we'd deprive him of oxygen, and he'd come back to life. By the time he finally died, I was so freaked out by this fish "dying" and miracuously recovering, that I didn't want to go near the tank anymore. I didn't want to see him passed out/dead again. Thus, when the time came to discuss getting a new fish, I cringed at the idea. No more goldfish for me! To this day just seeing goldfish gives me chills up and down my spine. Now, I fully acknowledge that my fear of fish was just a tiny bit irrational. But when I went up north this past summer, my fear became totally rational. In the lake where we swam, there were a lot of little fish. It's normal to feel a little nibble on your toe. This year the blue gills were especially viscious though. They only went after me! They would lie in wait for me to stop moving, and then go in for the attack. The freckles on my calves were chewed off, they drew blood! My whole family would be in the lake, but the second my tender flesh hit the water, those demon bluegills would go in for the kill. I'd try kicking at them, hitting the top of the water with a pole, nothing worked. They just stayed there, watching me and waiting for an opportunity. One day I was dangling my feet off the end of the dock, and about 10 of them came swimming over the minute they smelled me. It was terrifying. Bluegills are shallow water fish, but when I went out swimming in the middle of the lake, which was deeper than they should ever have gone, they followed me and bit me while I was swimming. That entire week I could not go swimming without fearing the fish that gathered around me. It was pathetic, me and my Neosporin covered limbs. I love swimming, but for the first time in a long time, I was afraid to put even a toe in the water.

Being stalked by fish is not the most fun thing in the world. Those viscious little bluegills made me feel more vulnerable than I had felt in a long time. Perhaps this is why my fear was magnified. Perhaps it touched on my deeper issues. Unfortunately, I still would run away rather than be anywhere near those scaly creatures. It may take years of therapy before I ever let my future children have a pet fish.

The Universality of Fear

Fear is something everyone can relate to. That is why so many different genres utilize fear. Fear comes in many different forms, and can be interpreted in vastly different ways. No one can truthfully say they aren't scared of anything. Fears can range from spiders and fish (Yes, fish. It's a long story), to psycho killers or even the fear of failing a class. Different genres play on fears of their audience in different ways.

This famous painting, The Scream by Edvard Munch, is one of my favorites. You can really sense the terror coming from the image. Its colors make it especially eerie. You wonder what the story is behind the art. Paintings, and all art forms for that matter, are a great way of expressing an emotion like fear.The artist can easily get their point across. However, art is always up for interpretation by the individual viewer. Because it can be so subjective, the artist's point might not always come across the way they want it to.

Scientific magazines that have articles on fear, such as this one, Emotions and the Brain: Fear, from Discover Magazine's website, are more informative then anything else. In the article, they explain what your brain does when you feel fear, purely the physical reactions you experience. This article may benefit some people; by making it technical, it helps you detach from the emotion a bit. Some may then be able to overcome their fears by knowing the science behind it. However, the limitations this genre has are great, considering that many fears come along with some deep seeded issues that an article about the brain will never be able to fix. Fear is an emotion, and emotions run deep, sometimes not even recognized consciously.

Music is a great way to express any emotion. Besides the horror movie kind of fear, there are other, more deep seeded fears, such as the fear of abandonment, failure, or being loved. One of my favorite songs, Fidelity by Regina Spektor, talks about the fear of being vulnerable and opening yourself up to someone completely.
The benefits of music as a way of showing fear are that the artist can choose to express it in any way he/she chooses. Music can also often be interpreted in many different ways and in that way be meaningful for many different reasons to all kinds of people. It also has its limitations, in that how the artist chooses to go about expressing the fear can affect how it's received. Fear is powerful and can be interpreted in so many ways. All genres can use fear, and since everyone in the world can relate to it, it is truly universal.

Break That Metaphoric Dam!

For me, writing is like a dam breaking, all the water breaking through what is meant to keep it in place. My thoughts are often a mumbo-jumbo of incomprehensible, sometimes redundant nonsense in my head. My mind is like the ocean, vast and overwhelming at times, sometimes calm, but almost always with new waves of ideas rushing in at breakneck speed. This especially happens when I try to write. I have so many ideas in my head, but when I try to put them on paper (or blog, etc.), there is a dam, so to speak, keeping me from putting my ocean of thoughts into physical form. Everyone knows what I'm talking about: writer's block! But, when I finally find the right things to say, relief comes and the flow turns from a few measly words into sentences, into paragraphs and pages. In this way writing is the dam breaking, opening up the passageway for all my thoughts to come out faster and faster. Once I finally start, it's hard to stop. As it happens when a dam breaks, the results can sometimes be disastrous at first, but with a little work, they can turn into something beautiful, like writing.